I had to prepare my first talk in Sacrament meeting in 7 years. I love preparing talks. I learn so much and find things I want to do and be better. This is what I learned from Marion G. Romney and Marie Hafen.
Self Reliance- more than a check off list- a principle with a purpose
The October 1950’s Reader’s Digest shared a story called the Gullible Gull. It tells us of great flocks of seagulls dying in the city of St. Augustine despite the fact that there were good fishing waters nearby. The seagulls did not know how to fish. The gulls for generations had depended upon a fleet of shrimping boats tossing the scraps to them. But now the fleet was gone. And the gulls were dying in droves as the fish population was growing.
As
quoted in the Reader’s digest, "The
shrimpers had created a Welfare State for the . . . sea gulls. The big birds
never bothered to learn how to fish for themselves and they never taught their
children to fish. Instead they led their
little ones to the shrimp nets.” In other words, instead of teaching their
young how to care for themselves, they taught them how to depend upon the free
handouts.
President Marion
G. Romney once stated, “A dole is a dole whatever its source. All of our
Church and family actions should be directed toward making our children and
members self-reliant."
I have been asked to speak upon temporal and spiritual
self -reliance. Many people see this
topic as a checklist of items that include a year supply of food and a
testimony. Yes, this may be part of your
individual program, but may I purpose, that self reliance is not merely a list
of items to purchase but rather an attitude or a proactive behavior in which have
the courage to act upon the promptings given to us to prepare for our futures.
Not too long ago, my husband and I found resources to
continue our ideal homeschool very limited.
And we needed to make a decision.
In doing research, we determined that we needed to move back to
Utah. Quite surprising, since my husband
was doing fantastic at his career at Apple.
After a confirmation at the Temple, the process had begun. We put our home up for sale. It was the only home sold within a six months
period - selling barely at the top of a market that crashed a few months later below
our purchase price. Although the home
sold, we had no job, no place to live and no way to get our items to Utah. As I
panicked, cried and panicked more, we worked to solve those issues; The Lord
calmly told me all would be fine. And miracles
did occur. Let me share just a few of
them.
As I looked for job options while Rob was traveling, I
was directed to a specific website. To
this very day, I am not sure where it is or how I got there. But it happened to be the very job he
currently has which later we were told it had been on hold for two years. In casual conversation, we find out a family
member needs a renter for their empty huge custom home in Orem and we could
stay till they moved back. We
had made arrangements to give most of everything we owned away because we had
no way to get all of it back to Utah. And
just days before giving all our belongings away, my long lost brother whom I
had not had contact with for years, just happened to be working for a moving
company called to let us know, he had a load to take to the Bay Area but did
not have a load back and wondered if we needed help. With special permission from his company, he
was able to transport every item in our home including a car and a motorcycle
in his trailer. There were other unexpected
surprises which is why we now are here in Mapleton with a paid off home.
In hindsight monetarily, that move cost us a
great deal, but the blessings we have received because of that the leap of
faith have been priceless. Money could
never buy the gifts compensated by the Lord. Some of which include good
friends, a wonderful spouse for my daughter, and children raised with very high
ideals.
Elder Albert E. Bowen said,
"The Lord must want and intend that His people shall be free of constraint
whether enforceable or only arising out of the bindings of conscience . . .
That is why the Church is not satisfied with any system which leaves able
people permanently dependent, and insists, on the contrary, that the true
function and office of giving, is to help people [get] into a position where
they can help themselves and thus be free."
President Romney stated, “The
practice of coveting and receiving unearned benefits has now become so fixed in
our society that even men of wealth, possessing the means to produce more
wealth, are expecting the government to guarantee them a profit."
Governments are not the only guilty
parties. We fear many parents in the Church are making "gullible
gulls" out of their children with their permissiveness and their doling
out of family resources."
Romney continues:
“Parents who place their children on the dole are just as guilty as a
government which places its citizens on the dole. In fact, the actions of
parents in this area can be more devastating than any government program.”
To avoid being gullible gulls and training ourselves and our posterity to expect free
handouts, the church teaches us four principles:
1• Learn to work effectively and efficiently
•
spend more time teaching our children how to work/ problem solve rather than
entertaining themselves.
My
father was a great example of this. He
taught all of his children how to work hard and be reliable. I started my first job at 12, babysitting and
cleaning motel rooms in Nevada.
As
long as we have children at home, and they are capable we work together to maintain
the cars, house, yard and anything we deem necessary to prepare them for
adulthood. Laws have changed significantly regarding working for others at this
age so things are different for our children. Because we don’t have a business
of our own, by the age 16, our children are required to have some form of
employment whether it is self employment or through another entity.
2• Store food and other essential supplies
for a time of need
•
Teach our children how to grow a garden, how to have food on hand, and prepare
meals. My mother was a great example to me in this endeavor. She knew how to can or store just about
anything, bake, and make meals from scratch.
My
children work in the garden, help clean and store the produce, help plan and prepare meals… and now that Sierra can drive, she will have
the opportunity to do the grocery shopping.
3• Manage our finances carefully and
prudently by living within our means
•Teach
our children of ways to earn money, demonstrate an honest work ethic, provide stability so they can be reliable
at a job, and teach them how to budget and manage a checkbook. It doesn’t matter what we do as long as we do
it with integrity.
Once
I had a history lesson on the great depression in high school. I remember vividly the picture of a woman
sitting on her front porch sobbing in her hands as all her belongings were
auctioned off to pay debts. From that
day forth, I never wanted to be in that position where I had accumulated more
debts than I could pay.
To
teach our children about money, we do the 10-50-40 plan. 10 percent tithing, 50
percent savings and 40 percent spending (often they save it). We don't do allowances. We reward are children according to their performance at school with predetermined monetary amounts.
4• Gain a good education that allows for
mobility.
Be
an example of learning and not guiding your life by fear but rather always
moving forward in faith.
As
a former school teacher, my life has primarily been around the success in the
educational arena for our children. We
have created our family's essential skills list that we feel our children need
to be independent and capable adults. We prepare and encourage our children to
achieve their associate’s degree along side their high school diploma.
Since education is my love. Please forgive
me if I appear blunt. But let me acknowledge an obvious but often unstated
expectations to the youth.
18 is a magical number in our society and
has a harsh reality. At this age, you are expected to be able to provide for
yourself and live on your own. Your parents are no longer legally responsible
for your welfare or financial well being.
Anything given to you at that age is considered a gift not a right or
even the responsibility of the parent.
For boys, young men are expected to go on a
mission. The church knows a young man at age 18 can be capable of being on their
own, managing and living within a budget, taking care of their basic needs of
nutrition and health, and helping and serving others. Although some parents may
help a young man/girl pay for this endeavor, it is not deemed a right in our
society. Many parents, I know make their children earn the money for such a
wonderful experience knowing there is great satisfaction knowing you not only
served but you paid for the opportunity to serve.
When you return home from your mission, you
will be strongly encouraged to marry, provide for a wife and raise a family
avoiding debt like a plague. Preparing
now and taking advantage of the resources available to you will make your life
so much easier in the future.
Girls, as well have similar cultural expectations.
As a young girl, I always had it in the equation to get married and a constant companion to love and be loved. I don’t know a girl who doesn’t hope for that.
But let me be honest, although ideal, marriage is never a guarantee.
Marie
Hafen suggested the following in Celebrating Womanhood: “First, become somebody who can support herself. Young women should prepare for a career, but not because
a career is more important than family life. A career isn’t even AS
important as family life. Although Church leaders have counseled mothers of
young children to avoid working outside the home whenever possible, they have
also urged young women to seek education and prepare for careers and meaningful
involvement in society.
Career-oriented education matters for several reasons. For
example, at any given time, from 35 to 40 percent of the adult women in the
Church are single, whether widowed, divorced, or not having married. (See Twila
Van Leer, “Singleness Becoming More Common,” Church News, 6 November
1983, p. 4.) In addition, more than 90 percent of both married and single
women must work sometime during their adult lives. An LDS woman is now likely
to work more than twenty-five years, and six out of ten working LDS women are
supporting not only themselves but others in their families.
What these statistics boil
down to is that young women who believe they will always have a husband who
will fully support them, thereby making it unnecessary for them to work outside
the home, are living in a dream world. Husbands may die, or they may be
disabled by accidents or illness. Children grow up, missionaries need financial
support, and most mothers live healthy, vigorous lives for many years after
their children leave home. Single-adult women cannot expect the Lord to rescue them
from life’s natural adversity. The gospel has been given to heal our pain, not
to prevent it. The Lord does give us strength to deal with a world that can
sometimes be dreary, but often that help comes only as we do all we can do."
Spiritual self-reliance is essential to our eternal well being.
When we are spiritually self-reliant, our testimonies do not depend on the
testimonies of others.
President Thomas S. Monson: “In order for us to be
strong and to withstand all the forces pulling us in the wrong direction or all
the voices encouraging us to take the wrong path, we must have our own
testimony. Whether you are 12 or 112—or anywhere in between—you can know for
yourself that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true” (“Dare to Stand Alone,” Ensign or Liahona,
Nov. 2011, 62).
The spiritually self reliant seek their own spiritual
experiences through praying daily, studying the scriptures, and exercising
faith in Jesus Christ. We turn to our Heavenly Father for His help to resolve
our own difficult problems as we work towards a resolution. We are also able to
strengthen others in their times of spiritual need.
Romney states “Self-reliance is
not the end, but a means to an end. It is very possible for a person to be completely
independent and lack every other desirable attribute. One may become wealthy,
have their two years supply (of freeze dried foods) and never have to ask anyone
for anything, but unless there is some spiritual goal attached to this
independence, it can canker his soul."
President David O. McKay made this profound observation:
"The development of our spiritual nature should concern us
most. Spirituality is the highest acquisition of the soul, the divine in man;
'the supreme, crowning gift that makes him king of all created things.' It is
the consciousness of victory over self and of communion with the infinite. It
is spirituality alone which really gives one the best in life.
He continues; "It
is something to supply clothing to the scantily clad, to furnish ample food to
those whose table is thinly spread, to give activity to those who are fighting desperately
the despair that comes from enforced idleness, but after all is said and done,
the greatest blessings that will accrue from the Church are spiritual."
(In Conference Report, Oct. 1936, p. 103.)
I can’t tell you how much I love visiting teaching.
Although I am always nervous to go into other people’s homes, I find the
friendship I gain motivates me to visit teach as often as possible. Currently, I am fortunate to visit teach
Joyce Morey. She shared her son’s last
email home from the mission with Sister Arbon and I. Because my mission in Honduras was one of the greatest
learning experiences of my life, please allow me to share his thoughts with
you.
“Thanks
for pushing me to get out on the mission," Trevor writes, “All I can say is
that it really has opened up my eyes to a lot of things. As lot has changed since the day I left and
they will keep changing but I know now that it is for the better. I have been through more in this past year than
I have in my entire life. At times I have felt trapped in a darkness having no
one to turn to but God.... And the feeling that even He didn’t want to talk to
me, gave me little hope for the future.
I was angry because I was in the front lines of a war not knowing who I
was fighting for. I just wanted you to
know, I found my team Captain and I am strong with Him.”
Let's not be
gullible gulls or inadvertently train our children to be gullible gulls. May we all discover who our team captain is, gain
confidence in our future and move forward in faith rather than fear. May we listen to HIS guidance and have the
courage to follow what he has asked of us. I know
for certain with the right team captain and our Savior Jesus Christ, nothing is
impossible and we will arrive at the destination he has prepared for each of us.
Your soul is worth everything to him.
Notes:
Self-reliance another principle
with a promise
References:
Celestial nature of Self Reliance by President Romney
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=25316c667a6af110VgnVCM100000176f620a____
Celebrating Womanhood by Marie Hafen
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=e82494bf3938b010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=
